Banter
by JilyEvotter19
Summary: The best of James and Lily in their fantastic, cervine glory. .:Currently undergoing lots of editing:.
1. Good Little Girl

"Psst. Evans."

Lily looked up from her notes and craned her head around to look at the seat behind her. James was leaning forward - the top two buttons on his short open, his hair as messy as usual (honestly, did he think he was some sort of glorious deity at the tender age of fourteen?) - in all his smirking glory.

"What?" she whispered. Ignoring him seemed like a tempting option right then but she knew her inconvenient conscience would badger her repeatedly if she didn't listen to whatever the sodding bloke wanted to talk to her about. Maybe, just maybe, it wasn't something stupid and irrelevant this time.

"Any chance I can borrow your Transfiguration notes?"

"Potter," Lily hissed, making sure no one could hear her, "I've never lent you so much as a _quill_, let alone my _notes_. Surely your preposterously Brobdingnagian skull with that gargantuan ego attached to it has already grasped that concept?"

"You have a nice vocabulary, love."

"'Extensive' would be a choicer alternative, Potter. And if you address me with a term of endearment again, I'm afraid I'll have to rip your guts out."

"Tut tut, Evans, good little girls must not embrace violence."

"Yeah, I'm a paragon of 'good little girl', aren't I?"

"The very epitome of innocence and sunshine," James confirmed dryly. "So that's a no, then?"

"Duh, o idiotic and hex-worthy king of prats. And for the record," Lily continued, "why aren't you concentrating on Flitwick's lecture? You don't want to be asking me for my Charms notes later."

"D'you mean to say you're actually taking notes while upholding your end of a delightful conversation with the ravishing James Potter?" He issued a low mock gasp. "I'm impressed, Red."

Unfortunately, Flitwick had heard James gasp. Before Lily could reply to him, he exclaimed, "Potter! Evans! Pay attention!"

"Sorry, Professor," Lily said hurriedly, turning around and looking at her notes again. James merely grinned and leaned back. Two seconds later, however, a quiet voice came drifting to him.

"You can borrow my Transfiguration notes, Potter."

James's heart leaped, not because he really needed those notes, but because she was actually _lending_ them to him. Maybe she felt guilty for being snappish with him?

Maybe she fancied him?

Of course.

Yes, that must be it.

* * *

**Author's Note:** These drabbles are not going to be in chronological order and also, they're going to switch from first person to third person - it'll depend on the drabble. Whether I'm going to write in past tense or present tense will also vary from chapter to chapter.


	2. Head Boy

_Evans,_

_Here's what happened at breakfast this morning. I opened my Hogwarts letter, same as usual, and I suppose I looked terrified, because Padfoot asked me what'd gotten my wand in a knot (he spewed bits of mashed potato on me as he spoke - remind me to teach that bloke some table manners ... and he eats like a hungry wolf, too). I told him the reason behind my knotty wand and he sort of went barking mad. (Excuse the pun ... actually, wait, you've no idea what I'm on about, do you? Never mind.)_

_I didn't realise Dumbledore's loony enough to make me Head Boy, either._

_Anyway, how's your summer been so far? Actually, scratch that - has it been really bad? Marlene told me your nutty sister's making it really hard for you to breathe. Don't worry, OK? I'll come over and scare her. Obviously not THAT much. Just a simple session of dancing frogs in her bathtub or something._

_I do have your address, though (forced Remus to gave it to me - he's got a weakness for all things chocolate and fortunately my mum's brownies are absolutely rad and luckily I'm a mean hand at bargaining) so expect a visit from me soon! (Yes, I'm inviting myself to your place. No big deal, right?)_

_Sirius just proposed a game of Quidditch and you know I can't resist an offer like that, so I'll just go._

_Love,_

_Potter_

* * *

_Potter,_

_Wow. Just ... wow. I wasn't expecting that. I thought Remus would make Head Boy! Congratulations, though. Good we finally made some headway on our relationship last year, isn't it? Or I'd be fuming right now at your badge._

_Yeah, well, Black's never going to grow up, eh? Really, though, I don't know what you're talking about - you eat like a pregnant capuchin and your table manners are more or less the same, so you're not in much of a position to argue._

_My summer's average. Like usual, I s'pose. Petunia's being a bit un-sisterly but most of the time I don't think about it. Alice and Marlene are coming over for a week in two days so that's an up side._

_You know, Potter, you really do sound like a stalker sometimes. Mind you, I'm not complaining. I have a secret desire to witness Petunia screaming at those frogs._

_Make sure you win us the Cup this year as well, all right?_

_Evans_

* * *

**Author's Note:** After reading numerous fanfictions, interviews and people's opinions on James and Lily, I've come to the conclusion that she kind of, sort of fancied James in their fifth year but wouldn't go out with him because of his pigheadedness. I think they were mates in their sixth year.


	3. Owls And Nutella Don't Mix

Lily was just thinking what a good start the day had kicked off from when James happened to glance her way, see her about to scoop her knife into the jar of Nutella and let out a warning.

"Hold on, Evans, I suggest you avoid that ..."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "And what, may I ask, is the reason behind that, Potter?"

"Well ..." James looked acutely uncomfortable. "I might've let my owl fly around the Great Hall as a dare, and it might've thought the Nutella jar was an ideal place to pee in -"

Lily glared at him. "You, Potter, are a walking disaster!"

"What? It wasn't my fault!" James protested. "My owl -"

But Lily simply picked up the Nutella, leaned forward and a little to the left and hurled the contents straight into his face.

He simply licked it off and grinned.


	4. Redhead Temper Issues

"Hey, Evans?"

Lily sighed. "What now?"

"Sheesh, Red, where did your manners go?"

"They flew out the window in an attempt to get away from your arrogance, _Black_."

"Why in the name of Merlin's fluffy bunny rabbit are you calling me Black? I'm Potter, remember?"

"Well, you brainless moron, if you have reason enough to call me _Red_, I should think I'm at perfect liberty to call you _Black_, on account of your hair being the most hideous shade of black."

"The colour black doesn't have _shades_, Evans. It's _black_. There's no light black or dark black."

"Do I look like I _care_, Potter?" Lily snapped, accidentally breaking her quill in her frustration at the pesky bloke.

"Ah, angry, are we? That redhead temper of yours needs to be controlled -"

"Potter, I'm writing an essay here! Go jump in the Black Lake and dive underwater if you're so free - I'll count to a million!"

"Temper, temper, Evans. If I died, who would you grow up to marry and have lovely kids with?"


	5. Turnips

The moment the bell rang, James hopped off his seat and slung his satchel over his shoulder, hurrying to catch up with the pretty redhead two seats in front of him, who was chatting to her friends as she packed her Charms textbook and other academic paraphernalia in her bag. "Evans?"

Lily looked around. "Yeah?"

He opened his mouth to say something really witty but his brain seemed to have momentarily stopped working, which was ridiculous and unfair because he'd always managed to keep his cool around her, besotted as he was.

He blurted out the first thing that entered his mind.

"D'you like turnips?"

Lily adopted a bemused expression. "Er - not particularly, no. Why?"

"Because" was what James opted to respond with, given his temporary cerebral malfunction.

"Because what?" A hint of impatience crossed Lily's visage.

"Because _because_."

"Because because _what_?"

"Because because because."

"Oh, just shut it, James."

She realised her mistake too late. Her friends smirked. James grinned.

"You called me James!" he said gleefully.

Lily waved her hand airily, as if it were not the most important thing that had occurred in the universe just five seconds ago, as if James was not floating on the seventh heaven of delight, as if his brain's functions had not been restored to their proper order the moment he heard his first name issuing from her lips.

"Accident."


	6. Pyjamas Or Jammies?

"Where are you off to, James? Patrols, remember?"

James grinned. "C'mon, Lily. Patrols can wait. Padfoot's invited us to his jammie party."

"His _what_?"

"His _jammie party_."

"James, are you four years old? Honestly, _jammies_?"

"Boring Head Girls like you can call them pyjamas. I prefer _jammies_."

"You're so immature."

"But you love me."

"'Course I don't, James."

"Ah, you wound me, Red."

"Oh yeah, like anyone can wound that huge ego."

"Harsh, Lils."

"Deal with it, James." Lily chuckled as James pretended to pout. She squeezed his shoulder. "Ah, you know I'm just kidding. I s'pose you've toned down that arrogant attitude."

James stared at her before a deliriously happy grin took possession of his face. "Say that again."

"I think once is enough." Lily smirked. "Now, where's Sirius holding that pyjama party?"

"Y'know, you might not be as big a stick-in-the-mud as you look."

"Why, thank you, kind sir. 'Tis a great pleasure to have your lavish praise bestowed upon me."


	7. Getting To Know Lily Evans I

Lily marched into the Gryffindor common room, looking livid. "Potter, give me back my Charms textbook."

"I don't have it."

"Marlene saw you putting it in your bag, only she didn't know that you were _stealing_ it at that time. She thought you were borrowing it."

"She's stupid. I mean, er, she's, uh, lying."

"Oh yeah, you'll find me believing the idiot who has been pestering me since five years than my best friend."

"Should I fetch a towel to wipe off that sarcasm dripping from your chin, Evans?"

"Oh, ha ha, Potter, how witty. That's gotten lame now. Now hand over my textbook."

James smirked, a ghost of an idea playing in the corner of his mind devoted to the redhead (which was ninety-nine per cent of the entire chunk of insanity that was more commonly referred to as his mind). "Without having a bit of fun? I don't think so, Evans. Let's play a game first."

"POT-"

"I know, let's play ... Getting To Know Lily Evans."


	8. Getting To Know Lily Evans II

"Wait a minute. Why am I agreeing to this ridiculous plan of yours? Hang on, where's my wand ..."

James picked it up from where it had been squished into a corner of the sofa and promptly handed it to Lily. "Here."

"You know, for one of the most intelligent pupils in the school, you're quite dumb, Potter. Do you think handing me my wand will actually help your case?"

"Thank you for the inadvertent compliment, Evans, about me being intelligent."

"I don't mind admitting you are quite bright, you know. I just don't really say it in front of your face. Take it from me - your ego does _not_ need more inflating ... _Accio Charms textbook!_"

"Ha! You can't get past the brilliant James Charlus Potter, Evans. I have disabled any use of magic with my extremely extraordinarily talented mind."

"You are such a -"

"- suitable match for a husband? Thanks, Evans. But I'm afraid you'll have to wait until I'm legally an adult. Then I'll propose to you. We'll get engaged on our last day at Hogwarts, eh?"

"_You_ -"

"- handsome, charming gentleman? Why, thank you, Evans. You really are layering on the compliments thickly today."

"Potter, I l-"

"- love me?"

"I was going to say 'loathe', not 'love'," Lily asserted.

"Pity. But you'll come around soon, Evans. I know." James smirked.

"Potter, can you concentrate on the task at hand? Get this damn game over quickly so I can get my Charms textbook!"

"All right, all right, _relax_." Grinning, James continued, "Now, for the rules of the game ..."


	9. Getting To Know Lily Evans III

"OK. First question."

"Why so brisk and snappy, Evans? _Relax_."

"Shut up, Potter. First question?"

"How can I ask the question when I'm supposed to shut up?"

"Quit nitpicking or I'll hex your balls off!"

"You know, you really should be careful with those things. My balls, I mean. If you hex them off, how're we supposed to have kids?"

"Are you saying that I'm going to have kids with _you_?"

"Uh-huh."

"No way, Potter. Keep dreaming."

"One day you'll be Lily Potter and blissfully happy, Evans."

"Ha! Not for a million Galleons!"

"How about a million kisses?"

"You bloody git. _First question?_"

"I wonder what their names will be?"

"Whose?"

"Our kids'."

"... _FIRST. BLOODY. QUESTION. ALREADY._"

James smirked. "You have severe anger management issues, darling."


	10. Getting To Know Lily Evans IV

**Author's Note:** Massive thanks to _DarkDramaLady_ for giving me the idea for this chapter. Her review for Chapter Nine is the genius behind this.

* * *

Lily leaned back against the sofa, shading her eyes with her hand wearily. "So, Potter? Question?" Resting her hands in her lap, she looked at him questioningly.

James stared back innocently. "But that _is _the question."

"_What _is?"

"What will be the names of our children?" James grinned.

"You ridiculous _shrew_! I will never have any children with you, in this world or the next!"_  
_

"Really? Not even the next?" James was enjoying himself thoroughly. "Tell me, Evans, do I really look like a shrew?"

"I - _ugh_! Just get _on_ with it!"

"But I asked you the question. Now you answer it!"

"_Fine_. You know what? _Fine_." Lily threw James a killer glare. If he was not James Potter, he would've scarpered. But seeing as he was James Potter, he stayed put. "I _will_ answer the question. Just not the _exact_ same question. The names of _my_ - I repeat, _my_ - children will be Rose if it's a girl - after Mum - and Harry if it's a boy, after Dad. I will confer with my husband - who, incidentally, will _not_ be you - before naming the kid, obviously."

"And if they're twins?"

"Then I'll think about it."

"Evans, if by any chance I _don't_ get to marry you - which will never happen, mind you, but just in case - will you let me be your kids' godfather?"

"No. You can be the uncle they get to visit in prison."


	11. Getting To Know Lily Evans V

Lily crossed her arms, shooting James an accusing look. "Done with nicking all sorts of teeth-rotting stuff from the kitchens?"

James merely grinned and held out a brownie to Lily. She accepted it suspiciously, as if he had poisoned it.

"Begin the second question."

"You sound so formal."

"Oh, for the love of Merlin ..." Lily took a bite of her brownie and was momentarily distracted. "Wow, this is _excellent_!"

"It is, isn't it? Elva made it especially for me."

"Is she the one who wears that orange tablecloth?"

"You know her?" James asked, surprised.

"Yeah, she makes me eat the tastiest chocolate things whenever I go visit the kitchens."

This time James was more than astonished. "_You_ visit the kitchens?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "I'm not the goody-goody know-it-all you think I am, Potter."

"No, I never said ..." James grinned. "I don't think you're a goody-goody know-it-all - I wouldn't like you if I thought you were - but visiting the kitchens ... blimey ... that's just ..."

Lily allowed herself to smile. "When you're done marvelling at my familiarity with the kitchens -"

"Right, yeah." James paused. "The second question ... well, I've been wanting to ask you this since a long time. Do you think I'm good-looking?"

"No," Lily said immediately, rolling her eyes. Without warning, a bucket materialised out of nowhere above her head and overturned so that a torrent of water cascaded on Lily.

"_Potter!_" she exclaimed. "What the bloody hell -?"

"_Exaresco_," James hurriedly muttered. Lily stopped dripping with water. He looked at her sheepishly. "I may or may not have put a charm on this so that if you lie, something happens."

"Idiot! Couldn't there have been something, I dunno, _drier_?"

James's eyes glinted with excitement. "Oh, but Evans, this means you were lying! You don't think I'm not good-looking!"

"Fine," Lily huffed. "I think you're quite good-looking, actually, but why would I have wanted to say it to your face? You're egotistical enough as it is!"

"Ouch, love." But there was no mistaking the grin of ecstasy that crossed James's face.


	12. Getting To Know Lily Evans VI

"Evans, in future do warn me when you're going to spring little surprises like these."

"For heaven's sake, Potter, you consider yourself hot and yet you gasp and faint when I tell you I thought you were cute when I first saw you."

"But still - to know that _you_ thought I was cute ... _you_ ..."

"What's so special about _me_, then? Ninety-nine per cent of Hogwarts' female population thinks you're the sex god."

"..."

"Don't you raise those eyebrows sardonically at me! Tell me the next question."

"All righty. Question Three: which of the Marauders do you like the best?"

"Duh. Remus."

"Ah, your preference will change when you realise how nice I am on the inside."

"I've got a question for you, Potter. If you think you're so nice on the inside, why don't you _show_ it?"

"Because it might mar my reputation?"

"You think too much about your reputation, Potter. I once got a T in a Transfiguration essay -"

"- I remember -"

"- and people gaped at me and were all, 'You scored a _T_! That's impossible!' and 'You're lying! Lily Evans can't possibly get a T on any of her essays!' It pissed me off mightily, I can tell you. But it did wonders for my reputation. Next time I got an A on a History of Magic essay, no one was astonished. They'd gotten used to it. And though it's not the best of things to score A's and T's on essays, I found myself being delighted, because people no longer ... Potter, are you even listening to what I'm saying?"

"... I think ... I think I'm too busy trying to register the fact that you consider me worthy enough to offer me your advice."


	13. Getting To Know Lily Evans VII

**Author's Note:** Feeling pissed off at certain members of my family, so sorry if this isn't as good as you guys expected. Also, I read a story recently about James and Lily. I have completely forgotten the name of the story and the author's name, but I will say this: in that story, the author portrayed the cause of James's change in attitude to be different than what most people normally assume. While many of us think that James matures and deflates his ego to please Lily and get in her good books, that author conveyed a different reason: in her story, James matures because he looks at his parents and realises - in a way - that life is short and all, and decides to become the man his parents would be proud of. So, I'm including this reason in this drabble, because I feel it's very in-character. I mean, the author's right, even someone as in love with Lily as James is will not change just for _her_. There's got to be other reasons also. Deeper reasons. Reasons other than the reason of romantic love. There's got to be platonic love mixed in there as well.

If I'm not careful, I'll end up writing this Author's Note longer than the drabble ...

* * *

"Question Four, please."

"Sure, Evans."

"How come you're not protesting? Or bombarding me with supposedly witty retaliations? Or spouting innuendo?"

"Because I'm trying to be nice on the outside as well."

"You actually _thought_ about what I told you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did. And I thought about other stuff, too. Like how I really should try to act nice on the outside, so that my parents are proud of me."

"Whoa, Potter, I didn't know you have so much depth."

"You don't know a lot of things about me, Evans."

"True, I don't."

"Like how I don't ask you out just for fun -"

"Oh, come on, Potter, everyone knows I'm like another conquest to you. You come up with these ridiculous ways of asking me out and embarrass me in front of everyone solely for the thrill of the chase."

"The _thrill_ -? I - Evans, you're so - you're so _thick_! Do you really think I -"

"Well, what do you expect me to think, Potter? Do you ever give me reason to suppose otherwise?"

"I do! Of course I bloody do! All those professions of love on top of the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, all those - all those times I ask you out - do you actually think this is like a bloody _game_ to me?"

"Yes, I do."

"I - Evans, you're impossible. I love you! Don't you _get_ it?"

"You could easily be just fooling around and joking."

"_Evans_, I'm bloody _serious_! I. LOVE. YOU."

"_Oh_."

"Why've you gone all quiet?"

"I really don't know what to say. I've never felt so awkward before. Er - thanks?"


	14. Getting To Know Lily Evans VIII

"Before we begin, Potter, tell me just tell you loud and clear not to begin any sort of - well, conversations like the one we just had. I do _not_ - repeat, _not_ - need any more embarrassments."

"That wasn't an embarrassment, Evans. You really need to sort out your messed up feelings."

"I _don't _- OK, you know what? I am not going to argue with you. It isn't any use, and besides, we need to get on with Question Four. How many questions does this bloody game have anyway?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Well, the main factor is the amount of fun both parties are having. I'm having tons of fun. So're you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I mean, look at us. We're enjoying ourselves, aren't we?"

"Potter, the last time I checked in the encyclopedia dedicated to your species, your form of 'enjoying yourself' is making up pathetic verses to send to me."

"Ah, Evans, I knew you'd bring those devils in the conversation somehow. But seriously, you know you found that rhyme I wrote back in third year cute."

"Cute? More like irritating. In retrospect, it was kind of amusing as well."

"I _beg_ your pardon, Evans? In what way?"

"To see a healthy thirteen-year-old display his rubbish poetic skills ..."

"That verse was very creative, Evans. You wound me."

"What's not to wound, Potter? No girl finds

_If I were plaster, what would I do?_

_Simple, I'd plaster myself onto you_

appealing, thank you very much."


End file.
